The Flattest Bitch

1.5M ratings
277k ratings

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna

This was going to be a new main blog but since I can’t help myself from the t4t tumblr no matter what account or device I’m on, a little about me.

I am an adult, that’s all you really need know in that regard, it isn’t likely to be difficult to find my age but maybe don’t.

I shouldn’t have an immense amount of horny stuff on my blog but still, minors, pedos, minors in kink supporters and all such ilk DNI.

I will answer most any question as long as it doesn’t put my current location or legal info at risk.

I haven’t a sleep schedule so if you send an ask, I will respond at ungodly hours wherever I am.

I travel, thus it’s unlikely that I will have the ability to post much in the way of pictures.

Please don’t make the first think you send me a nude, it’s weird, ask first.

I don’t have any other socials because this is the best platform.

I do actively engage in the political environment, if that bothers you maybe don’t read those posts. If you want to contest a claim, please do, amicable discourse is amazing, just don’t be a cunt.

Pinned Post about me if you aren’t here for horny posts you’ll have a lot to skip remember to drink water if you’ve read this all you’re beautiful.
i-like-violet
justaflatbitch

So it’s tummy Tuesday… should i post something? Idk. Thoughts?

justaflatbitch

I’ve decided to post something at the end of the day for est.

justaflatbitch

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Here ig, i hope the bravery i worked up was worth.

Totally didn’t forget to tag @xenasaur thanks for giving me this confidence. A lot of it came from you saying i was pretty a couple days ago.

justaflatbitch

I feel like I might even actually look good if someone came and marked me up though

xenasaur

can't get over how fucking sexy you are

justaflatbitch

djswhsxusgsvwhdysgjdWherethefuckdidthiscomefrom

chaos--themralds
chaos--themralds

OKAY! So the people (@xenasaur) have spoken lmao then lets have some fun~

If you are the one to get the note marker (the 100th note, etc.) let me know and you will get the next note prize in DMs <3 Screenshot it for me, ok? (meaning everyone would get the 100th note prize but I'd DM you the 250th, and so on)

100 notes - topless
250 notes - thighs
500 notes - covered butt
750 notes - butt
1000 notes - bulge
2000 notes - Erect bulge

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btw has anyone told you that you have a very kissable neck?
chaos--themralds
shiverandqueeef

Non-Canadians of Tumblr!

music poll part 2

which of these bands/musicians (who are well known/mainstream in Canada but considered indie/lesser known outside the country) have you heard of?

Marianas Trench

Simple Plan (not to be confused with Scottish band Simple Minds)

Sum 41

Tokyo Police Club

Connie Kaldor

Bedouin Soundclash

Sloan

The Dears

Kittie

Blue Rodeo

Anne Murray

Lights

also shout out to Rainbow Butt Monkeys, a band with multiple radio singles you almost certainly have heard, after they changed their name. if you know who they are leave it in the tags! you can bask in the sweet sweet smugness of knowing a music thing :)

check out part 1 of this poll HERE

justaflatbitch

Sum 41 is one of my top ten and i don’t think it’s indie

You ever just do something you hate so damn often that you begin to almost forget you hate it? I drove four hours until I could get to this rest stop and will pass through texas soon enough. After that it’s another 5 hours of driving until my next rest stop and then a final 10 hour haul.

I think i figured out why people keep leaving me. I’m just really high maintenance/needy so people get drained and just stop wanting to deal with me. I think that i subconsciously knew that for a while though which is why i apologise and try not to speak my mind as much. It’s just hard to find someone who enjoys being around someone with as many issues as me for any prolonged amount of time.

Sorry if this comes across your dash when you didn’t want to see it. Also sorry if this upset anyone who is, for some reason, scrolling my blog.

transgender autistic sad mental health i might be over-aplolgetic
xenasaur
lets-talk-about-sects

Okay kids buckle up for the INSANE story I just heard from my little brother

lets-talk-about-sects

**As a disclaimer my brother is a cis straight dude who only dates the most basic white girls you can find. He's very emotionally aware but doesn't linger on his emotions, just processes them and moves on (this is wild to me)**

He calls me on my break just to say hi, that he’s driving back to Denver from visiting his girlfriend, to which I respond “didn’t you break up with your girlfriend (of like a month) last month” and to which he says “yeah I have a new girlfriend, we’ve been together four weeks but I went up to spend the weekend and meet her friends” and I’m like ok great this is already ridiculous

lets-talk-about-sects

So we’re chatting and I’m teasing him about how he doesn’t sleep with people on first dates and he says that he’s changed his policy, it’s just that he won’t have sex with them if he’d rather be doing something else, so I joke that I’ve had that where I’d rather be watching the show Chernobyl (true) and he says “yeah or watching a movie with my housemate” and I say hey bud that’s kind of gay and he says yeah I actually had a weird gay moment last night

And I go oh???? And he goes yeah, I was at the bar with the girlfriend and some of her friends and one of them was a guy and we were hitting it off, doing a little flirting as you do with your bros at the bar~

lets-talk-about-sects

And then my cis straight brother goes on to explain that sometimes when you’re out with the homies and you’re having a good time and the vibes are right you just give em a little kiss, like just a kiss on the mouth between bros, “no tongue or anything like that but just to express that you’re close and having a good time”

I’m like “My dude that’s not a thing” and he’s like “between confident straight men it is” and I’m like “NO IT’S NOT"

lets-talk-about-sects

So there we’ve got my brother having casual queerplatonic relationships with his homies at the bar, and he’s telling me this and I’m obviously speechless, so he goes on and he’s like “so because this guy and I were hitting it off I go in for a little kiss and he fucking swerves me” and I’m like yes my guy but because my brother is actually very good with respecting boundaries he was like “ok man great communication, won’t do it again"

BUT

Apparently my brother and the dude and my brother's GIRLFRIEND who has been there the WHOLE TIME go outside (I assume to have a cigarette but he didn’t tell me that part) and the guy turns to my brother and is like “man I should have kissed you when you offered it” and my brother is like “cool good shit man” like in the most bro way possible and then the guy grabs his face between his hands and just PLANTS a big one on his mouth

And THEN the guy panics and shoves him down on the ground!! And my brother has the normal reaction to being shoved on the ground unexpectedly which is to say “what the FUCK” and the girlfriend says “what the FUCK” and the guy goes “what the FUCK” and leaves

lets-talk-about-sects

And my brother ended the story there and was musing on it like "this guy obviously has some complexes to work through about his sexuality, no confident straight man kisses another confident straight man and then panics and runs away”

Which took me out at the KNEES lol

lets-talk-about-sects

And that, dear readers, is the batshit story my brother told me!

lets-talk-about-sects

OH MY GOD AND

AND

I told my coworker this and they were like I’m actually shipping him and his roommate and I was like HUH because I hadn't considered that and then later my brother sent me a photo of his housemate wearing sexy handcuffs

lets-talk-about-sects

nice

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themundanemudperson

#WILD#this is so validating for fic writers everywhere#your blorbo Can In Fact Be that oblivious

love the prev tags